So, here’s the setting: it’s Friday night, you’re all alone, and you’re trying your best to banish those thoughts of you being single in your head to no avail. You get up and decide to head out to your local bar, all dressed up and really looking sharp. You go to the bar, order a glass of Jack Ds, neat, and sit. You calmly drink your drink as you scan the room for women who would strike you as interesting and attractive. There she is—sitting in a corner along with her loud friends whose laughs you can hear from afar. Now, what to do? Suddenly you feel sweat coming out from your forehead, which is odd, because the bar’s air-conditioning is blasting away. You feel jittery. Jack Daniels is making its presence felt inside your stomach.

 

STOP. You’re panicking. It’s okay, it’s normal. Approaching a woman is really nerve-wracking and is really bound to make you nervous. But calm down! There’s  a process to it—from making eye contact and getting her number for a date, or even taking her home with you if you’re lucky. All you have to do is follow these steps if you want to master the art of approaching women.

First Stage: The Initiation.

So are you going to do something about that woman who is really, really looking good from your bar stool view? The quickest way to do so would be to initiate eye contact. Single and available women will always have their eyes wander around, and the chances of her eyes meeting yours are likely. When you make eye contact, do a little smile, or a nod—and watch her reaction. Tell-tale signs of her acknowledging this would be to smile back(obviously), flip her hair, or turn away then look again. If she does these, you’re on the right track.

Second Stage: The Follow Through

Once you get the go-signal, go ahead and make your move. Walk over to her and approach her with confidence; ask her if you can buy her a drink. She probably has noticed you by now, and will accept your offer.

Third Stage: The Exchange.

Here it is—you finally get the chance to talk to her and see if there’s chemistry or a spark. This is the part where you’d tell if there’s a physical and an emotional connection. Conversations are the hardest part—you have to act confident without being too arrogant, you have to be sharp and appear intelligent without sounding like a geek, you have to be extremely funny without looking like a silly person. Watch out for non-verbal cues– if she mirrors your gestures or movements, if her eyes focus on yours alone, those slight touches or fingers brushing against your arm– body language counts, as Slate reminds us. Never, ever dominate the conversation– however, remember that you can always use fractionation techniques if you want to be in control. This is the part that lets her decide if she wants a date with you or not—so better be good.

Fourth Stage: The Confirmation.

When all goes well, it won’t hurt for you to ask her out on a date. Flirt subtly—she’ll get those hints. Ask for her digits, and if she feels like she had a nice time as much as you did, then chances are she’s going to give it to you.

When all is said and done, give yourself a pat on the back—congratulations, you did well!